In the last month or so, I’ve rejected popular notions of patriarchal monogamy in favour of polyamory. Or, I’ve stopped lying to myself about what I’ve been practicing for a long time without the epiphany that sexual liberation was possible. There is no need to begin slut-shaming or judging. Just listen me out.
I have always worked hard in my romantic pursuits towards a goal of marriage and monogamy, but recently I discovered this is not what I want. When I actually had the opportunity to meet a traditional man and cater to his needs, this servitude was completely exhausting and demeaning. I was far happier focusing on him for a day and then getting back to my busy life. I was happy.
Then, I met a queer man in a polyamorous relationship with a queer woman, and a heterosexual female. It boggled my mind and I thought it was too radical for me, but we spent a lot of time together and then I realized when we were apart that I was as content and satisfied as with my previous partner. It was balance, it was respectful and it was mutual.
As a queer, feminist woman I feel liberated from the oppressive bondage of monogamous marriage in a patriarchal society. I feel free to pursue my own sexual needs and this doesn’t mean sleeping around with everybody. It just means doing things on my own terms.
Ironically, my attitude towards my appearance has changed since I decided to admit to poly feminism. I do my hair and limited makeup for me. I dress to express, not to impress the male population. I feel happier and more carefree to focus on all aspects of my multifaceted life without thinking there is something wrong with me because I’m not married. I’d rather advocate for social justice, gender and sexual equality and cycling infrastructure than spend my life tied down in some monogamous marriage. Monogamous marriage is a legitimate path to happiness, but that doesn’t mean it’s a one size fit all model for everybody’s needs on this planet.